Studying again

Yippie! I've been accepted to a uni course starting next month! Work is paying for this one too, as it is work related. The course is called "Social work; social and group psychology". I'm so looking forward to it.

Time is really reeeeaaally sparse right now, as my new job includes still doing my old job as well as starting up a couple of new units. 24 hours just isn't enough hours in a day. But once a geek always a geek, right? I love studying and can't wait to get started.

Today I have...

... done bugger all.

How I love weekends where there is time to do nothing. Read a book. Watch a movie. Cuddle the cats and the Mr.

How I love long lie ins with breakfast in bed whilst reading the newspaper. Fall asleep for a bit again.

Yes, long live the weekends! I just wish they could last a little bit longer.

give and take

On the theme of recieving (see previous post)...

Amongst other Christmas presents I yesterday recieved a book about happiness. Not one of those hippie-bollox books about happiness, but a lovely, thoughtful book. One thing really stood out in the book, and that was the chapter about giving and taking:

There is a lot of happiness to be gained from giving.

But to constantly give will consume you heart and soul.

So learn to take a little -

a stroll in the garden, exhibitions and cafés.

Enjoy it.

Let birds, flowers, books,

art, music and generous friends

fill your reserves.

Humans need nourishment.

So true. And so therefore his week I will dedicate my time on me. On things I like and things I want to do. No musts. Will you join me?

unexpected gifts

It's the thought that counts. Always.

Sure it's nice to recieve gifts from close ones, but it's the gifts from those I didn't expect that really moves me.

Yesterday I recieved a most wonderful present from someone I care for very much, but haven't had the opportunity to get to know as well as I would like to. We seem to have a lot of things in common, and hard times recently have brought us together. And yesterday I recieved a picture frame containing the words

Dana

intelligent

impassioned

Thank you

How thoughtful! How wonderful! I am blessed with being surrounded by some truely beautiful people. And despite not always being good at staying in touch or expressing my gratitude I love you all.

Merry Christmas!

Nearly Christmas!

And despite being so very organized I still have a present to buy (yet no idea what to buy), the stockings aren't up on the wall yet and the gingerbread house isn't made.

... In other words it is the same lovely stress before Christmas as previous years...

development in progress

Will there ever be a time when I will get enough and settle?

Don't get me wrong. I appreciate what I have and things I've done. It's not that. It's that constant feeling of wanting to thrive, develop and move on.

I have studied - one bachelor's and one master's degree. I thought that'd be enough. I thought it'd be ok to do the odd evening course for fun to keep the old brain going. But lately I have wondered about doing a phD. For no other reason than wanting to. I have no urge of becoming a doctor, working as a professor or certainly not spending the rest of my days in a university setting. But I want to germinate.

I have travelled. Thought I'd gotten that out of my system after 10 years of continent hopping. But now I'm itching. Thinking about those places I've yet to see. Places where you need to spend a month or two to get to know properly. And I've dusted off those lonely planet's guide to Ethiopia that I never got to use. Because I want to do more. See more.

I like my job. But feel I have so much more to give. I have knowledge which I'd love to share with other, new people, and I would like to meet new people to learn new things from too.

I love my flat. However I keep thinking of buying something new, so that I could learn more about renovating and decorating. Because I want to develope and not become stagnant.

Some people say I have a midlife crisis. But boy, this "crisis" has been going on for a good 20 years and shows no signs of slowing down. Wonder if there's some kind of medication to cure my curiosity?

hearts galore

I was looking through some websites to find new crimbo decorations, and noticed the shabby chic-trend has infiltrated christmas. Everywhere I looked there were old fashioned baubles, paper garlands and so forth.

... Not to mention all the cotton hearts! Loads of web sites sell little "home made" heart shaped cushions to hang in the tree or around the flat. I can make that, I thought to myself and got the sewing machine out. And look! I could!

Place your orders here, please. :-)

tatties

I had another tatoo done a while back. A little fish between my shoulderblades.

I do like it a lot, but still don't feel my back is "complete". I have another two tattoos I need to do before my back looks the way I've pictured it. However, everytime I visit the tattooist or a web page with tatoos I keep getting inspiration for even more...

... I could do with an extra set of skin. And an extra bank account. So that I could do twice as many tatties.

to be blonde

I stood in front of the mirror this morning, trying to turn my gloomy, sun deprived skin into a healthy looking one. A bit of foundation, a bit of blusher and quite a bit of concealer. It always work wonders.

How would people react if I went into work without make up? Probably wonder if I was ill. However, if I met someone for the first time they'd most likely think nothing of it. Perhaps even think I looked more "businesslike" than I would with a made up face?

As I was brushing on the bronzing blusher this morning I started to think about this. About appearance vs. opinions and preconceptions of people...

... Once I was at an interview for a post graduate archaeological position in the Netherlands. The professor asked me if I would be "willing to dig, considering I had polished fingernails?". I explained that I wouldn't care for polished nails whilst digging, obviously.

... And once I was up north for my friend's wedding where I was to be the maid of honour. Myself and a few of the other guests whom I didn't know spent the night before the wedding at a mutual friend's house. It turned out I had forgotten to bring my make up remover and asked the others if anyone could lend me some. "For an archaeologist you seem to be unusually keen on skin care" one of the guests replied. I then explained that I was to attend the wedding as the maid of honour and not as an archaeologist. Obviously.

It pisses me off. It really pisses me off when people think they can judge my level of knowledge by the colour of my fingernails. Or when my intelligence is reduced to the colour of my hair.

It so happens that I really enjoy make up, fashion and changing my hair style. But I also enjoy working, studying, reading and using my brains. Why is it people seem to have an aversion of that particular combination? I don't get it.

time for hibernation

I want to sleep.
I want to sleep and sleep and not wake up until spring is here.

Somehow I keep thinking I was meant to be something else but human. In fall, I like to eat and eat and then sleep. I hate the cold. I hate snow and dark days with no daylight. My body is lethargic until the trees start to turn green again, birds sing and the sun defrosts my frozen bones.

I want to hibernate and sleep.

two peas in a pot?

For years me and my friend have been talking about doing an evening class in pottery together. Things (read: life) have always come between, but yesterday I recieved some course catalouges for autumn 2010 and phoned my friend. The courses seemed fairly priced, are nearby and on a Sunday, which is good rather than mid week evenings when one is pooped after work. We decided to go for it - finally - and today we signed up for a pottery class!

Now I hate to spoil a surprise, but I can't help but thinking Christmas presents this year might have a clay theme...

restless

Someone told me the other day that I'm a restless person. This fact isn't something new for me. As a matter of fact it's something I've known most of my life. Still it got me wondering:

Is this restlessness something that I'll always carry with me? And is it something that will spoil things for me or help me along in life?

Sometimes it feels like a blessing. Sometimes a curse.

dr. Jekyll and ms. Hyde

My dad has been visiting for a few days. It's been lovely - we've been eating, drinking, talking, walking and sleeping. And, in my case, working as well.

This morning I followed him to the train station as he was due to go back home again, and felt unusually tired as we sat in the taxi on the way to the station. We said good bye, and I got on the local train heading straight to work. By this stage I could barely keep my eyes open.

I never had any time to have breakfast before dropping my dad off, and at work I grabbed a cup of tea and thought I'd eat something as soon as I became hungry. But hungry I never got. Instead I worked all day until 6 pm, went back home feeling tired and really angry. I blamed it all on the early morning, the long working day and the lack of food, and therefore headed to the shop to pick up something for dinner.

In the shop I bought a loaf of bread. And a bag of crisps. Walked around the shop in search of something to tickle my fancy for dinner intake, but no such luck. Instead I bought the above together with a packet of cigarettes and headed home.

After forcing myself to eat a cheese sandwich I fell asleep in the settee, highly annoyed and in a bad mood in general. And when I woke up, 3 hours later, it all suddenly became clear to me as I scoffed the whole bag of crisps, drank a large can of diet coke and told the cats to f*ck off.

...PMS. Of course. Oh glorious womanhood. By tomorrow I might just be back to normal again, but I wouldn't put my money on it. You've been warned!

tired

Today is just one of those days. I feel totally drained and wish I had one of those on my back so that someone could wind me up.

diet and beer

My friend and I have this deal about dieting together. Every Friday morning we jump on the scales to see if we've lost/gained weight or simply stayed the same as the previous week.

To minimize the chance of cheating (which, I will admit, I would very much like to do!) I take a close up photo of my feet on the scales with my mobile phone and send her the picture. And she does the same to me.

The deal is: if one haven't lost any weight during the week in question one will have to pay 100.- to a kitty (which will then be used at the end of the year for a big night out).  And so far so good. I haven't had to pay up any money for three weeks. Next Friday I'm not so sure I'll get away with yet another pay-free week though. Rarely before have I drank so much beer. Eaten so much crap. And the days ahead seem to be following that rather unhealthy, if very nice, pattern.

How do people find that happy medium? I don't think I ever have or ever will. I'm either exercising like mad or not at all. Either partying like a lunatic or not at all. Either eating shitloads or not at all. I guess I'll just have to wait and see how this little dieting competition works out. It would certainly be nice to be able to squeeze into a bikini whilst in Orlando in January. But if not I guess I could always sit by the pool sipping coctails. So it's not the end of the world. At least I keep telling myself just that...

worknight wine

I went to see my friend tonight after work. We hardly ever get a chance to catch up due to completely different work hours/lives in general, and tonight was no different really...

... I got stuck late at work. Got to hers even later. She gave the kids a bath whilst I had something to eat in her kitchen. It got really late by the time she'd put the kids to bed and I was ready to head back home and my friend ready for bed herself.

But then she offered me a glass of wine. And we talked. And another glass of wine was served. Her husband came hom and joined us for a glass of wine. And we talked.

In the end I didn't leave until nearly midnight. I will be knackered tomorrow. And I drank wine on a work night. But it was such a lovely evening I hope I get a chance to do it again rather soon!

shopping spree

Oh dear.

Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

I went to get a pair of sandals today. A very plain, cheap pair for work - that's what I had in mind.

Back home again I found myself still without any sandals. However, somehow I'd managed to buy  a pair of trousers, a pair of leggings, 6 pairs of knickers, a bikini, two dresses, two pairs of shorts, a tunic and two tops.

Oh dear.

my friend

My friend Lizzie and her baby came to stay with me for a week. Lizzie and I have known each other for about 15 years, and is by far one of my best friends who knows me inside out.

We used to work toghether for a few years. The management used to call us Piff and Puff. We were never put to work in the same unit, which was probably for the best, as we infamous for chain smoking, drinking loads of cups of tea and talk when together.

Lizzie, Paula and I back in the days

But as time went on I decided to move to Australia. Then Sweden. And so the last time we saw each other was three years ago at Lizzie's wedding. And since those three years loads of things have happened. The biggest of changes must be Lizzie having a little daughter called Macy Mabel - that I hadn't had a chance to meet until last week!

But isn't it weird? Three years have passed, Lizzie is now a mum, we live different lives in different countries, and yet it felt like we've never been apart. We have drank loads of tea (and wine, I will admit), chainsmoked and talked. We have chilled in front of the telly, gone shopping (even though that's something we used to be much better at years ago!), cooked and eaten loads of nice food and just enjoyed each others company. Yes, there have been more nursery rhymes sang, more baby food talk and earlier mornings than in years before, but apart from that nothing seems to have changed.

Myself, Lizzie and little Macy last week.

And so now they have left, and I'm sat in my flat all alone missing her like crazy. Wishing she lived next doors and not an ocean apart. It's times like these I wonder why I ever left...

I hope I find compatible weirdness

it's a pity

The sun is out. Spring is here. But my energy levels are not. Because as soon as the world starts to stir and rise again from winter death my hay fever starts. Not to mention the asthma. And so I stuff myself with inhalors and tablets and nasal spray which helps breathing. So far so good, not complaining there. But the meds makes me so tired. And not tired as in a tad sleepy. No. All I want to do is sleep. I could (and have done!) sleep 18 hours per day if allowed.

There. I just wanted to have a little moan. I feel very sorry for myself.